Dear Jalopnik, Harden the Fuck Up!

"LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy!" (LandofMinos) 12/18/2013 at 05:51 • Filed to: None

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Drive free or die? What the fuck has gone wrong with you Jalopnik? You've lost your edge...

Getting close to a decade ago I stumbled upon a website that was purely about the cult of cars. But it wasn't just cars, I discovered Americans with the same love of cars, bikes, tractors, V8 hemi-powered SR71 Blackbird jet engine starters... whatever the fuck stirs the ire in my Aussie hoon sensibilities... they loved. They loved Aussie cars, embraced the Aussie word 'hoon'. That blew me away... there's yanks who know what a Holden is let alone their knowledge and love of utes. So I joined the club and became a 'Jalop'.

Over the last decade, Jalopnik went from strength to strength, from one esoteric commenting system to the next. Many writers have come and gone, but with a heavy heart and a bit of trepidation, I have to say to the majority of the latest bunch of writers; Harden the fuck up you bunch of girly men, you are ruining Jalopnik.

Some of you have become preachy do-good grandmothers. Posts like Raphael Orlove's whining (again) about some !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , makes me embarrassed to say I'm a Jalop.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Jalopnik's joie de vivre was it's edginess. It's irreverent tongue-in-cheek style. It was Calvin pissing on the badge of conformity, a hoon. But now has placed itself upon a pedestal of self righteousness, staring down upon others who live upon to the fringe of law. It was the cult of cars, now it's a church.

Raphael, do you have some kind of beef with bikers? Have you been stuck in traffic too long and got jelly? Just joking, but are you circumspect about biking in general in any way? Bikers AND drivers alike, do bad things sometimes... Just remember biking is a Darwinian enterprise; the bad ones don't last that long. The good ones can get away from the filth.

Bad drivers... Are good at making business for the body shops.

Anyway, you are all exceptional writers and I hope this criticism can be taken constructively. I love Jalopnik, I've been a champion for their cause and I really don't want this to be my valediction but I've lost interest.

Perhaps come and see my ramblings on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! in the near future.

Don't take life too seriously.

Shady Balkan Subject, Drives an Alfa > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 06:32

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I think this comes with fame and money. Now Jalopnik is huge, so they can't be the small obscure site that cater to a small segment of hardcore enthusisats and can do and say whatever they want. Now everything they do is heavily scrutinized, because they are big. Maybe in the past we would have not seen this article or it would have been not so seriously worded, but imagine if they said, good job lad, they can be all over the news the next day for encouragement of risky driving and disobeying the law. And this would be because they are shitloads of people that can get offended. They are so big that Cadillac puts what they have said about one of their cars in their ads.

So as we have seen many times, mainstream is bad for some of the fans and good for others. I like Jalopnik for what it is. I also remeber what it was, because I started reading things here in 2007 and in a way I don't miss it. Currently Jalopnik can offer us huge amount of info that it couldn't in the past. Would have SRT let Jalopnik review the new Viper if the site was like circa 2007? I think, no they wouldn't. The same is for a lot of other companies. Heck even Ferrari was offended by Jalopnik.

webmonkees > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 06:48

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Dart guns and patience will get you more exclusives than kissing up.

TheOnelectronic > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 06:53

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Running from the cops is a pretty dangerous and ill-advised thing to do.

Bragging about it on youtube is just stupid.

I dunno, I haven't been here earlier than 2009, but it never struck me as the badboy-in-a-leather-jacket of car sites.

Shady Balkan Subject, Drives an Alfa > TheOnelectronic 12/18/2013 at 06:55

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In the past Jalopnik had its share of badass moments and they seemed to be a buch of people that didn't care about much. Even now and again they do some "stupid shit" like no embargo on info, but in the past it was more often.

6cyl > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 07:15

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xx45xx > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 07:44

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BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 07:55

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Personally, I don't much appreciate people fucking about on roads when there's other people about. Hooning, no issue. Hooning around innocent bystanders I have problems with.

I don't particularly want to be side-swiped by someone coming tail-out around a corner when they can't see me coming, even if it 'makes good business for body shops'.

Neither do I want to be in any way involved in the death of a biker if one rides into me, even if it's selection against stupidity.

I enjoy being irresponsible on the road. It's fun. But not when other people's lives are at risk. I don't take my life too seriously, but I'm not going to play chicken with other people's.

Eazy-O > Shady Balkan Subject, Drives an Alfa 12/18/2013 at 08:12

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Thank you for participating in my therapy, wherein I take 30+ minutes to write a huge ass post, bitching at stuff and then deleting it before I hit 'Publish' or 'Send'. Not for fear of offense or banhammer, more or less outta the fact that somebody will come up and further disturb my own peace and cost me more time for no end result.

I usually delete it all, but this time, I leave you with Jalopnik alum, Murilee Martin, Check out his shit here: http://www.murileemartin.com/

*

*Unkempt appearance not to be confused with carefully crafted hipster image one might see nowadays.

Nibby > xx45xx 12/18/2013 at 08:34

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buttHz

The Transporter > Nibby 12/18/2013 at 09:08

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MbuttHz

Raphael Orlove > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 09:09

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First off, I am a major pussy. Usually I do come off a bit more sand-in-vagina than I'd like on posts like this, but I think it's fair to say that wheelieing past a PT cruiser while running from the police is (1) a bit of a dick move and (2) something that's not a good idea to post online.

But my favorite posts I write are still ones where I get to celebrate complete fucking idiots putting themselves (but not random people) in harm's way.

Yes.

http://jalopnik.com/they-say-its-u…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Yes.

http://jalopnik.com/ive-got-a-grea…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Yes.

http://jalopnik.com/watch-these-du…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Yes.

http://jalopnik.com/extreme-barbie…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

And so on. But I know what you mean, and I can definitely get too pissy.

Party-vi > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 09:09

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Long time no see. I hope life is treating you good.

EL_ULY > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 09:38

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JALOPNIK be like..

Lime - Light > Raphael Orlove 12/18/2013 at 10:01

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Respect for admitting you're a pussy sometimes. We can all get preachy about certain things.

I have noticed this slant towards condemning bad behavior with a sort of holier-than-thou attitude. It's all so hypocritical! These videos of stupid behavior are posted to get pageviews, why then must we also express public disapproval? It's as if the writing staff and many of the commenters are looking over their shoulders for fear of being caught by...who? Yes, people do dumb things while operating motor vehicles, why does our community feel the need to apologize for it or condemn it? We've all done something dumb in a car or on a bike that we regret, but at least I can admit it's a part of the community; just like substance abuse is a part of the entertainment industry and performance drugs are a part of sports. No it's not good, but it's the reality of having such forward motion at one's fingertips.

Alwood > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 10:05

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True that.
I guess it's a generation thing. Way too many girly-men over here in The Netherlands as well, thinking their values are set in stone blablabla...

Add some healthy satire, call names but keep judge and jury away from writing. Where necessary commenters will do this for you.

Maybe Jalop will let me write for them one day ;-)

Casper > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 10:13

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I just avoid Jalop until something worth seeing filters it's way down here. There aren't many car people writing for them anymore, so the site is becoming full of silly fluff pieces from those hoping to simply use it as a jumping off point to something else.

I would wager there are better and certainly more knowledgeable writers posting material under Oppo than the FP.

pauljones > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 10:31

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"Don't take life too seriously."

I do believe that you've addressed the ultimate answer to your rant right here. Times change. People change; they come and they go. It's just the way of things. And as all of that happens, things around us change; and, quite frankly, we change.

This has happened. This is happening. This will always happen.

The question is how we grow and change in relation to the things and people around us. Sometimes, we grow apart from things. I understand that; I sometimes feel that way myself about this place. It's why I don't comment as much anymore, and prefer sticking to Oppo and quietly watching as necessary.

But at the end of the day, the problem isn't with the writers. It's with us. We have changed as much or more as Jalopnik itself has, and, perhaps, we've simply... started to change and grow apart.

As they say, "All good things..."

Matt Hardigree > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 10:46

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We've lost our edge because we pointed out that a guy driving like an asshat and posting the video in the Internet probably isn't too bright? There are stupid laws, which we condemn, and bold behavior, which we celebrate. This was stupid behavior.

And as for the "oh you are guys who take the subway" bullshit, Jalopnik has never had a more batshit personal fleet than the one we had this year. Not when Murilee was here. Not ever.

You think you're tough because you keep a car in Idaho or wherever? You're tough when you can keep a car running in NYC. Hot-wiring your air-cooled car and then breaking the steering lock so you can drive it in between cabs is hardening up, which Raphael had to do this week.

Talk is cheap. Come spend a week in NYC with our crew and see if you're hard enough.

briannutter1 > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 10:56

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The older we get, the more we gain strength of conviction and learn to call a spade a spade. Metro Softies ignore millions of years of man's basic nature thinking themselves enlightened. Got news for them.....Girls will always go for the guy that shakes hands with the Devil as he roars through the gates of hell.

PedalHead > Eazy-O 12/18/2013 at 11:35

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Oh Murilee... That Saucy Minx! If they can cross post stuff from Road and Track, they should really cross post some Murilee stuff, now He's JALOP!

Jason Torchinsky > Matt Hardigree 12/18/2013 at 11:39

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First off, I am a lump of iron.

I drove Raph's Baja in Manhattan. Icy, traffic-y Manhattan. It had no lights, heater, we hotwired it and broke the steering lock with our skinny dork arms. That's his daily driver. He drives it in snow, he attempts to rally it. He rolled it, and got back in it. He's a lump of iron, too. I think all us Jalops are iron-cored.

I drove in a crazy skid plate race, on an Indian desert rally, on chaotic Indian roads, in cars and in a three wheeler I bribed a cabbie to let me try. I'll try driving anything.

I drove the T-Rex on the I5 from LA to San Diego. That did scare me at times, but I did it — if you're not a little scared you're probably doing it wrong. My softest trait is my deep, unashamed love for our readers, but it's in a plenty crunchy shell. Delicious, too.

So, thanks for reading, of course, but I disagree — we're no pack of soft-handed candy-asses, no matter where we live. We don't support stupid things that endanger other folks on public roads, but we're capable of plenty of other stupid things.

Seriously, I'm an idiot, you don't have to worry.

PedalHead > Matt Hardigree 12/18/2013 at 11:41

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One of my favorite things about owning a car in NYC (when I lived there) was that women would be delighted to be picked up for dates, no matter what your shitbox was (old Toyota truck with the obligatory Only-so-I-can-use-the-parkways aluminum cap) , "Oh, we're not taking the subway?!" I loved that. Fixing shit in the street, not so much fun.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Jason Torchinsky 12/18/2013 at 12:09

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Seriously, I'm an idiot, you don't have to worry.

Oh thank God. If you thought you were a genius, that'd be the first indication you had no idea what you were doing, and were here to lecture the unwashed like the smug assmunches employed by the LA Times and others. Self-identified idiocy -> glee -> doing things just 'cause, bitches. The only way to run a good car blog.

Dusty Ventures > Matt Hardigree 12/18/2013 at 12:20

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I'm a rally co-driver, I've been sideways at 80 alongside cliffs on roads narrower than most driveways, airborne at 100+, and in a car that had the steering wheel come off at speed.

I was more terrified riding in the cab with Orlove on the way to the JFF. NYC traffic and drivers are bonkers and those willing to brave it daily are some of the bravest, craziest bastards I know.

Vin > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 14:01

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Harden the fuck up you bunch of girly men, you are ruining Jalopnik.

A good way to avoid being acknowledged as having something worth saying, is to say "harden the fuck up."

Autophile412 - what's the world got in store? > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 14:13

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Kudos. I too have come to realize that many things in life have become "soft" whether it is people's view on fighting in hockey or the consumption of fuel in an automobile.

Maybe we are a dying breed; those of us who love sarcastic wit and can take a punch and laugh (whether proverbial or physical).

The thing is, the general attitude toward harshness is coming to a point where it is unacceptable, period. Just look at the slew of antibullying campaigns and the "love this and love that" ad world we live with everyday.

There is no place in the world for a toughness that creates something like the old Jalopnik. We were a crowd of gear heads that was completely put off by the attitudes of the manufacturers and the goal of Jalopnik was to change the attitudes of the manufacturers to be more in line with those of the consumer and in many ways we succeeded in those goals. Just look at the positions that some of the former editors of the site have achieved. They are now part of the system that they once rebelled against and now we don't have too much to gripe about.

So here we are now in the "next phase" of Jalopdom. We post shit about other stuff that we like. The whole theory or premise behind "oppositelock" was to create a forum for those of us Jalops who wanted to talk about OT stuff that sometimes intersects with the car culture we are so intertwined with. The problem is that Oppositelock has now become it's own thing and it has reached a popularity level that has brought in a lot of noobs (we were all noobs at one point or another) and some of these people are more sensitive to the sarcastic style than others. This creates a fray at a lot of junctures that just wouldn't have existed with the "old oppo" because we were all pretty much on the same page and we all took jabs at each other.

What I am trying to say is; things have developed in a way that you might not like. You are free to bitch about it. You are free to abandon us or you are free to stay and enjoy the ever changing world that is oppo.

I, personally, rarely visit the front page. There are too many trolls and frankly the subject matter is often not of my liking. I stick around oppo because we have become a community of people who respect eachother and I like to read about other's enjoyment or problems with automotive issues (or even just whatever they might want to talk about that day). Stay or go. I say stay and have some fun.

/endrant

MrCrash > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 16:58

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Psst. 426 Buick Wildcats, not Hemis.

http://www.wvi.com/~sr71webmaster…

Philip Anthony > Matt Hardigree 12/18/2013 at 17:42

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*every gif of people clapping loudly and proudly*

this was awesome.

CSphotography > Raphael Orlove 12/18/2013 at 20:00

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Why do you have to even dignify these knuckle-dragging NRA enthusiasts who seem to think the subway is for 'the Poors and the Coloreds' with a response? Any rational human being can see a bunch of assholes on bikes running from the cops are idiots—arguing with them over that, to quote somebody I'm sure they adore (Barney Frank), would be like 'arguing with a dining room table.'

CSphotography > briannutter1 12/18/2013 at 20:02

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"Metro Softies"? The hell is that, an ice cream company?

Robb Holland > Dusty Ventures 12/18/2013 at 21:13

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I race at the Nürburgring for a living.

I won't get in a car with either Hardigree or Orlove anywhere let alone NYC. Those guys are fully certifiable

briannutter1 > CSphotography 12/18/2013 at 21:21

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Seemed to make sense. Hey I just coined something! Basically apologists for our nature.

Dusty Ventures > Robb Holland 12/18/2013 at 21:23

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Hahaha you should have been there when Orlove and I went up to the rally school ;)

MooseKnuckles > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 21:58

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I agree in that I have noticed Jalopnik slide away from not giving a single fuck to giving very little fucks. Instead of giving people the finger, now it's more a fist shaking.
The site has matured and they all answer to the higher power (Nick Denton still the guy at the top?), you can't be pissing on automakers like they used to and still make a buck and get to test drive that automaker's car two weeks later (ex. Chris Harris *hearts* Ferrari, but Ferrari doesn't *heart* Chris Harris). Jalopnik is more organized now. They are a big player now.
The writing has not diminished. The commenter base, for the most part is better than ever, and that's what I enjoy most about Jalop and makes it different than any other auto-news outlet or some bullshit forum.

Do I miss the not giving a fuck? Yes. Do I miss the old style humor? Yup. But we still have those things, subdued sure, but so much more too. I miss Ray being a wise-ass Jew who knows the right and wrong moment when to tell a person to shut the fuck up, but shows no discretion and does so at anytime the wind tickles his brain. I miss Wes' reviews and test drives.

But if you keep saying "the good'ol days, the good ol'days", like anything, you'll miss the great parts of the now.

I wouldn't trade this group of jackasses... Except for a Miata, V6 Mustang, or poo-poo brown Volvo 245 Wagon.

MooseKnuckles > MooseKnuckles 12/18/2013 at 22:01

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Of course as soon as I post that I see Matt has uploaded a picture of a gingerbread martini to Instagram...

Dead_Elvis, Inc. > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/18/2013 at 22:50

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Sounds like you need to get yerself over to the Hooniverse . Might even recognize a few folks. It's a good time.

Atomic Buffalo > BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires 12/19/2013 at 10:26

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I think you need to choose a different word. You just described being responsible.

Philip Anthony > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/19/2013 at 10:29

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this is retarded. Jalopnik is the best automotive blog site in the fucking UNIVERSE. (yes I went there) and show me what blog/newspaper has you on the EDGE OF YOUR SEAT every single article... Ill wait.

Jalopnik is awesome and if you are going to talk down about them as a whole because of one douche bag then you sir- are the bag of douche. I thank god for this site.

Stef Schrader > Matt Hardigree 12/19/2013 at 11:12

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Some of us aren't in NYC, BTW, and live in the vast great land where a subway is something that communist hippies ride in Russia or something. 'Murica. Err, Texas.

You're gonna have to pry my broken VW reject from my cold, dead hands!

(Eh, I'll entertrain a trade if it's aircooled and/or a Trabant.)

Gr8Dane > Matt Hardigree 12/19/2013 at 11:55

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You think you're tough because you keep a car in Idaho or wherever?

Hey now, I like you Matt, but I had to drive to work here in Idaho from Meridian to Boise using my pre-warmed Garage-kept Blazer, (w/ Seat Heaters) which had to drive through a whole inch of snow to my job where I run a website/business, INDOORS! It was SO COLD outside that I ALMOST had to wear gloves. ALMOST.

/life is rough in the untamed northwest.

Gr8Dane > Jason Torchinsky 12/19/2013 at 11:58

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You're a delightful human being. Truly.

I'm fairly certain that your crunchy shell is at least slightly made from Doritos Locos Tacos , though. Yep.

Matt Hardigree > Gr8Dane 12/19/2013 at 13:22

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Well said.

DayWooTang > CSphotography 12/19/2013 at 14:56

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I think you buy them here, not sure though...

Kevin Wright > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/19/2013 at 15:07

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The problem here is that like most social media, which is what Jalopnik has become, this site is run by New York hipsters too enraptured with themselves and their witticism to give a flying fuck what anyone else cares about. They write non-stories about what some douche said on Twitter or how hard core they are because they drove a piece of shit car for seven minutes across Manhattan one day. I still read Jalopnik because occasionally they have decent (only decent) articles about things I care about. Plus I'm sometimes bored at work. Not a single fucker involved in this enterprise held a real job before they started writing for Jalopnik, and none of them can be fucking bothered to proofread their own brain diarrhea before posting on the site. They make up bullshit questions and ask you and I do the actual work of answering the question and creating the content.

Oh, and am I the only one who is sick of the motherfucking GIFs on every motherfucking page? GIFs are obnoxious and half the time they don't even show the most important part. If I want to watch a repeat of four frames of boring I'll visit your mom's porn site and search "money shot."

paul > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/21/2013 at 03:59

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can somebody stop this dickhead from publishing crap??...saw your blogs.matt something....do a favour stay away

oldirtybootz > LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! 12/21/2013 at 10:19

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brell > Matt Hardigree 01/01/2014 at 01:20

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He, like many of us don't like or need to be preached to. We know he was an ass for doing what he did and posting it. We just don't need mom telling us evry couple of weeks. P.S. y

brell > Matt Hardigree 01/01/2014 at 01:26

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I think his point was, we don't need or like to be preached to. We know that dude was an ass, we don't need mom telling us everytime a new video pops up.

P.S. You guys looked like douches patting yourselves on the back with that whole we got the C7 right before everyone else. We get it you're awesome. Get over it.

LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! > paul 02/04/2014 at 02:11

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What the fuck are you trying say?? Did you Google translate English to retard?

LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! > Philip Anthony 02/04/2014 at 02:13

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Edge of your seat? I guess it must be nice to be easily amused.

LandofMinos: ...sent down to strike the unroadworthy! > Vin 02/04/2014 at 02:17

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If it wasn't worth saying, why did you read the article?